Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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