I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
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