Dual....:-)
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
