smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
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I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
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Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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