you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
