i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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