Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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