it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
