u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
