Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
