The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
