The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
