I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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