She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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