goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
