I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
