Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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