Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
