The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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