It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
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did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
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i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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