Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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