My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
