I cockslap morals
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
