Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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