whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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