hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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