i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
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