I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
