Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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