look no pants
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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