my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
