he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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