If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
