I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
