i permit you to call me
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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