Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Randomize
