I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
