Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
my liver is dry heaving
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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