Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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