dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
