shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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