maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
