My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
