She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
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The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
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Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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