no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
