Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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