Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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