Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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