It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
