I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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