He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
