the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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