Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
