Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
