I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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