Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
