it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
