1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
