If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
