I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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