I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
