i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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