Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
