I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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