and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just want to make out with him forever
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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