Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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