Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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