so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
