Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
