it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
