Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
