Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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