So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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