so explain again why im purple
no
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
