I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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