She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
