fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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